The painful past experiences...
Emotions, the painful, the happy and the blessed ones, are the proof of an active life. As the river flows toward the sea, so the feelings flow through our lives experiences.
Unfortunately some thoughts, especially those stored deep in our minds, can overload our feelings and cause us a sickness such as stomachache, headache, and anorexia or sometimes goes worse in more serious illness. (Full information can be found in Louise Hay book “Heal your body”)
Feelings are an integral part of our lives. As human being we experience anger, pain, or sorrow, as well as joy, love or compassion, kind of strong emotions that sometime we get stuck into them.
The untreated stories of our lives unconsciously keep us tied to the past.
A good example is Maria’s experience. About eight years ago she suffered from a kind of depression, chronic fatigue syndrome. She felt so tired that she could hardly go from one room to another. Back then she fattened a lot, she got 30 extra pounds.
Determined to find out why, Maria turned herself to the experts. The lab tests came out negative, leaving no medical reason to explain the fatigue and dysfunction of her body.
Later on as she started analyzing her past she reached the core of the issue. She realized that her divorce had overloaded her with feelings of sadness, anger and shame which slowly were manifested in her body. Even her relationship with others and especially with her new lovers wasn’t healthy because the pain in her heart wasn’t healed yet. As about the relationship with her parents, who were trying to help her, was in a constant antagonism.
As she was adopting the role of victim in her daily life because her ex-husband unfairly hurt her immersed Maria more and more into misery. Unconsciously, she had delivered the key of her happiness in the hands of the man who harmed her for accomplishing his own interests, driven maybe by arrogance and ignorance.
The process of healing her wounds required several actions and strength. She started working hard to get out of her old habits that kept her "stuck" in the past.
Talking about her issues to people she trusted, friends, relatives, and therapists decreased the intensity of her wounds, helped her entering into the therapeutic process. Although sometimes she felt that her concerns seemed petty, incorrect or counterproductive.
An indication that Maria got rid of her painful thoughts was when she start asking her friends to tell her the truths. They could understand if she was still stuck in her past or she had moved forward to determine her future.
We are responsible for our emotions, we owned them, and when we hear ourselves saying: "he or she makes me feel like ..." this line grants him or her with the power to make us feel whatever they wants us to feel.
Sadness is part of my life without it I couldn’t recognize the beauty of joy. But when I feel upset I turn my attention to optimistic thoughts and my mood changes because I choose to feel differently.
Writing is my favorite process. It frees me from overloaded emotions, especially from those that I cannot say it loudly to the people around me. My thoughts follow easily on the paper burning anger, resentment, and negativity.
Isolating myself daily for few minutes and concentrating on breathing helps my thoughts to calm down. I highly suggest you should try it. Inhale thinking the word "Love" and exhale thinking "Thanks". This is an effective exercise which helps me to take better decisions in my daily life.
I always felt as a victim when a friend or colleague betrayed my trust. I wasn’t aware until an old friend told me, that the power of forgiveness could release me from the painful toxic emotions. “Accept the others behavior or replace the anger and resentment with compassion.” he advises me and added, “No statue has ever been built nowhere in the world in dedication of any critic!”
Since then, I can’t find any reasons to criticize the actions of all those who had hurt me. Believing that we all are doing the best we can pushed me forward to enjoy new life experiences.
Today my principle is trusting people and situations right in the first moment and if something changes along the way, then compassion for them is my amulet.