• Billy Manas

How to Fall Out of Love

What if we could view falling out of love just as sweetly as we do the mad infatuation we feel when we fall into it?


How to fall out of love? Refuse to cling to what isn't in the highest purpose anymore, even if it hurt. Allow things to change our lives as they needed—as this is what lessens our suffering, although our instincts tend to scream, "Hang on!"


Falling out of love is part of non-attachment practice. We love others and ourselves so much that we choose not to cling to them for selfish purposes.


"If you love someone, let them go. For if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." Khalil Gibran


In relationships, allowing someone space to come and go can be a tender choice to make with each other, but it is an honorable one. It brings us right into "the genuine heart of sadness"—a Buddhist term that we use to describe the awakening heart—which feels both shaky and unknown. This tender act of allowing space is raw because we are not protecting ourselves by attempting to control things.


However, this sensitivity is what we are striving for. We are meant to be affected and touched by life, so that we become compassionate beings, rather than hardened, controlling ones.


Is it possible to love so much that we'll be okay with falling out of love? Yes, it is, because "in love" and "love" are two different things.


When we stop trying to get something from each other, we offer the other person freedom—the gift of non-attachment.


Maybe things will work out in a relationship—and perhaps they won't. Either way, we cease trying to force things because we're scared we can't survive the lack of something.


Through the practice of non-attachment, we become brave, like Buddha. It is an act that cracks open the cocoon of fear that likes to run our lives.


We step into something much vaster. We begin to understand the words "unconditional love," and in these words rests our fearlessness—the fearlessness of someone who can face the rawness of an exposed heart.


Buddhism taught us that sitting with a tender feeling prepares us to face anything. Unconditional love does not form chains or anchors. Unconditional love creates wings.


We do have the ability to offer this spacious love to each other if we choose to. There is always the opportunity to decide to live from a place of freedom rather than restriction.


Falling in love is gorgeous. It is succulent. It is alive. It is passionate and all-consuming—and it is also a fantasy.


When we decide to get real—like really honest—we look beyond our illusions. We peak underneath the veil of hormones and longing, and we say, "Hey, it is okay—if this is not right, it's okay to allow this to end."

There is much beauty in being content with how things are. On the other hand, fighting against reality, or choosing to ignore a situation, causes long-term suffering. The Buddha believed Avidya (ignorance) is one of the three poisons (the leading causes of dissatisfaction).


If we stay blind to our need to fall out of love with someone, we are not moving from the wise knowing of the heart. It is fine to fall out of love. Things are ever permanent.


We choose to let go, not because we wish for pain, but due to desire for each other. To truly live, we must choose bravery.


Unconditional love means we want each being to be happy. An awakened heart stays in a relationship only if it's in both people's best interest—and interests change.


Living from the heart requires us to become courageous. Here, our selfishness can no longer reign. This is how we show respect for ourselves and other humans—we become more significant than that. We have been humbled by the grace of the genuine heart of sadness—the spirit that would never hold onto something if it would cause another pain.


Let go—we don't need to love with attachment anymore. We can simply, love.


The heart becomes softened—and maybe even a little shaky—and that's fine. That's what love is supposed to do, to sand down our edges.


Are we brave enough now, like a Buddha, to allow all beings to be free?


We can choose to Love like this—and we owe it to each other to try.


Author Sarah Norrad

2017 Elira Bregu Los Angeles CA USA