Love vs. Attachment — Why Clinging Isn’t Caring

Theme: Differentiating love from fear-driven attachment retrieved from the upcoming book of Elira Bregu, How to Deal with Challenging Romantic Relationships.

Nora thought she was in love. She texted Liam every hour, panicked if he didn’t reply, and begged for reassurance whenever he went out with friends. To her, this felt like devotion. To Liam, it felt like suffocation.

The truth? Nora wasn’t practicing love. She was practicing attachment.

Love and attachment are often confused—but they couldn’t be more different:

• Love is rooted in freedom. It says, “I want the best for you, even when it doesn’t include me.”

• Attachment is rooted in fear. It says, “Don’t leave me, or I’ll fall apart.”

Psychologist Erich Fromm once wrote: “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you.’” That distinction is everything.

If you’ve ever felt consumed by jealousy, control, or dependency, you may have mistaken attachment for love. And that’s okay—most of us do. But awareness is the first step to change.

Try this:

Ask yourself: Does my relationship calm me, or consume me? True love feels expansive. Attachment feels like a cage.

When we shift from clinging to freedom-based love, relationships not only survive—they thrive.

Excerpted from Elira Bregu’s new book, How to Deal with Challenging Romantic Relationships (October 8, 2025).