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I had no idea what I was about to uncover about myself.
I had everything set up, the lights, the camera, and the tripod. I don’t even know why I felt so called to do this, but the idea was not letting up…
I was rising up against the years of self-deprecating thoughts that were telling me no, you can’t do that, you don’t look like that, you can’t create that, you shouldn’t put yourself out there like that.
I was rising up above all that and letting myself explore the girl who was afraid to really see herself…
“What if I take the shot and hate what I see? What if I love it? What does that mean?”
I had to know what I could see when I just let myself go. When I let go of the image of who I thought I was and explored the many facets of who I am.
So in my usual fashion, I started with nude photos—why not go all in, right? I wanted to see what my body looked like when I wasn’t rushing, when I could test the elements of my inner being.
At the time I didn’t know that I was just being led by my curiosity. I was curious about myself and if I could translate the emotion I was feeling into something tangible.
When we are willing to really see ourselves, we open up a universe within the self.
As I started clicking and checking, clicking and angling, clicking and feeling, clicking and seeing—I started to see what my inner being knew all along.
I was beautiful.
And not in that “oh look at me, I’m so pretty!” way.
My soul was beautiful. My light was beautiful. My eyes, my breasts, my skin, my form were beautiful.
The more pictures I clicked the more I fell in love with myself… I started exploring the ways in which I could express my truth through a selfie, I knew I’d stumbled across something about my expression that I was not willing to give up for anything.
It felt good to know that I was something special, and I didn’t need to hear it from anyone…
How often have you really wanted to try something but didn’t out of fear of what someone might think? How many times have you wanted to do something for the pure enjoyment of it but stopped yourself because it wasn’t “productive”?
Following inspiration doesn’t always have to be about impact—it can start off as just for ourselves. There’s nothing wrong with pursuing personal, quiet growth or self-discovery.
If you’re so inspired, remember that this is a process. Be kind to yourself, or you may find a reason to hate what you see. I took a lot of photos before getting the ones I most appreciated.
It is also important to be gentle with yourself. Every time I step in front of the camera, I know what I’d like to see in the end—the: “oh my goodness, that is amazing!” photo. Prior to that point, there are about 10-20 photos to which I lovingly smile. In those moments, shame and self-hate are not welcome to join me. In these sessions, I practice self-love.
If you have been feeling the urge to create something just for the joy of creating—do it. Don’t worry about what might come of it—just let yourself explore with no expectation and see where it leads. The more we allow ourselves to explore these impulses, the more grounded and connected we are to a bigger vision that is always unfolding before us.
Author: Cassie Jeans
