The Fight That Wasn’t About the Dishes

The argument started with a plate in the sink.

“You said you’d wash the dishes,” Emma snapped.

“I’ll get to it later,” Alex muttered, eyes still on his phone.

Within minutes, the kitchen was a battlefield of accusations: “You never listen to me!” versus “You’re always nagging!” By bedtime, their backs were turned, hearts heavy. Neither remembered the dishes—they remembered the ache of not being understood.

This is the reality of so many relationships: the fight isn’t about the dishes, or the chores, or who texted back. It’s about emotions unspoken. Emma wasn’t angry about plates; she longed to feel supported. Alex wasn’t resisting chores; he longed to feel accepted.

Without emotional intelligence (EI), couples get stuck in this loop. But when we name what’s really happening beneath the words, conflict transforms. Instead of seeing an attack, you see a cry for connection.

TRY THIS:

Next time you feel frustration bubbling up, pause and ask yourself: What is the real feeling underneath this? Anger often masks fear. Jealousy frequently hides insecurity. Silence usually covers shame. Naming the emotion isn’t weakness—it’s strength.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t stop couples from fighting. It teaches them how to fight fair, how to repair, and how to turn conflict into intimacy.

Adapted from Elira Bregu’s new book, How to Deal with Challenging Romantic Relationships (October 8, 2025, on Amazon).

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