Is it common for married couples to stop having sex after many years of marriage?
In my own marriage of 10 years, we’ve had short periods of no sex. Here’s why we and so many other couples might let their sex life drift…
Yup. It’s that simple. It's all about safety. You don't want to open your heart, you don't want to open your body.
The number one reason couples stop having sex is: Fear.
Fear of many things. But most often a couple will unconsciously slide into fear and then come up with some lame external excuse like, “I’ve lost the attraction” or, “We just aren’t in love anymore.”
While these might be partially true, there’s always more to the story.
So, what do we do?
If you are in a sexless marriage, instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me or my partner?” (Which is more blame), try asking a more intelligent question like, “How do we face our fears and anxiety around sexual intimacy?”
By first asking this important question, married couples can begin to tackle their fears.
We can make it even more vulnerable and sexy by sitting on the bed naked together with no other agenda than to state our fears in front of one another. Take turns saying, “I’m scared…” and fill in the blank. Go slow enough to feel and not dissociate.
Be courageous and face the deep vulnerability that sex can bring. Tender, naked, raw, beautiful…
Create safe relationship by just making the simple move of owning your fear. By doing this, we are making a very intimate statement. And this level of vulnerability is lubrication for sex.