What if we stopped searching for love and waited for it to arrive?
Eventually, all the searching we do for love tires us out. I know it did for me. Reaching outside of myself to look for it is a struggle that leaves me slightly crazed, insecure, and hollow.
When we want the outer world to appease our inner fears, it rarely (if ever) does. Instead, when we do this, we are left feeling broken (the opposite of what we desired).
You know that really sweet idea we have about love—the one we are told about in songs, movies, and society in general? Well, it’s not true. When we pursue the belief that another person or experience will offer us the opportunity to (finally) feel complete, we are headed for trouble.
This is what we do so often in life—we expect something else to make us feel whole.
To believe that our worth comes from the outside make us feel more need for love. This is honest information—no one will ever be enough to fulfil us if we cannot fulfil ourselves.
The ironic thing is that when we chase after something, it usually just makes that thing run away faster.
It is not much we actually can control. Why would we try it with something wild as love?
Everything in life is constantly changing and the change is out of our control. In this teaching lies the foundation for an acceptance of something really big—the principle of impermanence.
If we can accept impermanence, then we are not surprised when our external world is what it is — undependable. Rather, we realize this is so, and we find something underneath that is more real and solid.
Buddhists believe that the one thing we can learn to depend on is our own self. We learn that instead of chasing experiences or people to fulfil our needs, we attend to them first. This is done by becoming tender at this moment.
Instead of thinking that another thing might complete us, we choose to do the compassionate work of finding our own completeness—presently.
We turn our gaze toward ourselves, and we look inward.
The way out of suffering is within ourselves. Our freedom is found by returning to our own hearts, not in turning to another’s.
Isn’t that what we all want—to feel good about who we are?
The Key to Allowing Love to Arrive is Self-Love. Chasing love then becomes so “last year,” because we realize we already have it.
This reverses our sense of being broken—we stop believing that we are lacking anything.
Imagine if we’d been doing this our entire lives? How full would we feel? Instead of being conditioned to dislike who we are, we’d see ourselves without judgment.
Accepting ourselves is the way we can allow love to arrive.
It won’t happen immediately. Loving ourselves takes time to learn how to do.
For me, self-love came after I’d exhausted all other resources of trying to get it somewhere else. And trust me, I tried. But here’s the thing, when we begin the tender journey of loving ourselves, then others become more drawn to us.
When we already feel complete, it takes the pressure off of everyone. Then, others naturally want to be near us. The really funny thing is that we won’t care so much. We no longer need them to feel validated.
So please, take the risk—give up of this endless search for love.
The way out is within.
Let’s hold and adore ourselves. Let’s observe ourselves without judgement.
We are whole. We don’t need anything to be different. Things are fine just as they are.
Now, we can truly begin to know love—for the love from our very own heart has finally arrived.
Author: Sarah Norrad
Instead of Searching for Love, Allow it to Arrive — Buddhist Style.