Letting Friends go is Hard Work!

Best friendships are valuable. They help us process stress, and laugh so hard we can’t stand up straight, they know us well enough to call us on our BS with a smile that recognizes our basic goodness. Sometimes, they may fade, but always, the embers glow hot. We can ebb and flow, but they’re there for us, with us, and we’re there for them, with them, through the years. We grow old together.

And yet—sometimes, we make like Thelma and Louise and drive off a cliff of The Best Friendship Flat Planet…a planet that we could have sworn was round.

What should I do?

So, I write this one not to share wisdom. I don’t have any, other than feeling that it was time to let go and feeling my sad heart since, and feeling that perhaps it is on me, though I have let go, to reach out once more.

I’ve been somewhat sad over this one for many months, months totaling two years, and the more I feel it out, perhaps much longer. We didn’t hang out on weekends or for dinners. The friendship may have been based, in the early days, on some notion that I was cool. But while I may be fun or happening, I’m vulnerable when you get to know me, and I’m not pretentious. I look to friends for counsel, and one must bear all to receive truly helpful counsel. And so, I do.

But, over time, baring all may equate to “not being seen as cool.” And then, from there, our “best friendship” found another crutch: doing an activity together.

And when that activity stopped a few years back, so did our friendship. Now, I know this friend was busy, overwhelmingly so, yet other friends see this friend, and I don’t. I reached out 1000 times with little things about this, or that, sports, or news, or thoughts…the usual friendship stuff. And I generally received a rather short, abbreviated, guttural response…if any. It becomes a running joke. Even if I sent a paltry two words, I’d get one back. If I sent one word, I’d get a shorter word back.

And so, at some point, I forced myself to snap that twig, make a break, and let go. Otherwise, I’d become like a cloying lover, not offering space.

And if you let go into space, and the bird loves you, it returns, right?

Nothing came back.

I’ve tried to let go of my friend, and I have, and that’s been tough work, so it feels hard to reach out one last time before letting go fully. And I really don’t want to let go fully. But I realize that it may have been rather hollow or based on things that weren’t actually friendship, for many years.

Oof. This one hit hard:

“If you’ve invested in your friendship and the other person [begins to] continuously lets you down, it may be time to accept that fact and move on. You will grieve and heal as we do in time.

And may just realize that the bond you thought you had, wasn’t a bond at all. It may have been for you, but not for them.”

It hits hard because it hits true.

Come to Terms With Yourself.

We all want to live a happy life.

We spend most of our lives chasing what’s better, bigger, and more promising. And that’s beautiful. At the end of the day, we’re all seeking the same thing, which makes us true heroes and winners.

However, we don’t always know how to be happy. The problem is that we want life to be easy. We want positive outcomes that are satisfactory and promising. We don’t want what’s tough. We don’t accept what’s tough because tough is scary. It turns our reality upside down and throws us off course. It threatens our happiness.

I’ve recently realized that the biggest threat isn’t life; it’s me. It’s what I think about life and what I expect from it. I have contributed to my problems and pain more than once, but now I know that if I want to live a happier, better life, there are some things I need to come to terms with.

There are things we need to accept, no matter how bad or dissatisfying they are. If we don’t, we will always be miserable. We will only be chasing an illusion—not true happiness.

Are you willing to accept these six things?

1. Not everyone is meant to stay in our life.

It’s natural to think that every person who comes into your life will stay. I think this has been the most demanding thing I have ever had to accept in my own life. I’ve learned the hard way that some people cross our paths and keep walking. Holding on to people will only hurt us more. So, appreciate the lessons and the connection, and find your purpose without them.

2. We don’t always get what we want.

What we want is different than what is meant and good for us. I know it’s hard to believe it or even think about it, but coming to terms with this truth can save us a lot of pain. The only thing we can do is take advantage of every single opportunity that comes our way. We should be grateful for what we have instead of wishing things were different.

3. You will make mistakes.

Making mistakes is inevitable; everyone, including you, will make them. The problem isn’t about making them, though. It’s about how we look at them. We tend to give ourselves such a tough time for making the wrong choices, and we must stop. Making mistakes is part of learning and growing. We can’t tell what’s right and wrong if we don’t go through both.

4. People won’t always do for you as you do for them.

Realizing that I can’t control other people’s loyalty and behavior has set me free and made me feel much better (and ultimately happier). When I treat someone a certain way, I don’t expect them to treat me the same. We have different characters, personalities, upbringings, and love languages, so it’s crazy to think someone will do for me as I do for them.

5. Things change.

Always. If we want life to get better, we must understand that life is constantly moving. I know how safe and predictable certainty is, but I also know how wonderful “the new” is. Walk with life, not against it, even if it feels scary or messy.

6. Yourself.

Do you accept yourself as you are? Do you often forgive yourself and practice positive self-talk? Do you believe in yourself? Are you kind to yourself? How do you deal with your inner critic? Before coming to terms with anything in life, we must come to terms with who we are. We must love ourselves unconditionally and become our own friend—not enemy.

What else would you add to this list? What do you need to come to terms with?

AUTHOR: ELYANE S. YOUSSEF

Successful People vs Failure

What is the difference between successful people and failures ones? What is success, and what is failure?

Successful people achieve their goals no matter how small, or big the goals are. If you want a burger for lunch today and you get to eat a burger, this is a successful goal. Also, if you aim to enrich your bank account with a million dollars, you succeed.

But when you put effort into achieving your goal and cannot make it, that is called failure. There is a given count of the steps, but according to the results, which makes you a failure.

Every single human is born with chances given and capable enough to build and reach their goals, but why can some people make it and others not?

The answer is simple; it’s all about the 3 P’s Plan, Progress, and Persistence. Let’s go Deeper. Everyone wants to reach out to the giant pillar of success or achievement. But thinking about the final destination and not acting upon it won’t ever help to reach there. It must be a vision, not a specific GOAL.

So, what takes us to big, massive success? Indeed, to reach somewhere, we’ll have to start from somewhere, and we need the first P – Planning. Failures come from a lack of Planning.

Progress is the second and most important of all 3 Ps. Progress may not show results on the first day or sooner, but continuous work one day will yield.

Lack of Plan, Progress, and Persistence are the building blocks for massive success. Successful people get rewarded in public because they consistently practice the 3 Ps. This is a process, a journey, a series of steps. It starts with the first step and does not commit where it will end. We have to move on every day, sticking to the plan.

Rome was not built in a day; Mutual funds do not return in a year; marriage is not a game or fun for a few years; relations are not for enjoyment; trees were planted years before they started giving shadows and fruits... This is Persistence.

We must keep hope intact. We never know which step could be the final, making us touch the wanted success.

What could be the most significant loss of not being persistent? To keep it simple as always – Imagine you spend a reasonable amount of time and money on Planning. Your plan is brilliant, and you start progressing... You work hard for 99 days, but then you feel hopeless and give up.

Unfortunately, you did not know that one more day could have led you to the GOAL. Just by one day, you lost everything. You could have achieved what you wished for if you had persistence for ONE MORE DAY.

No shortcut, No overnight miracle. Start... Step by step...Persist...and get what you want.